POWER OF LOVE

 

"POWER OF LOVE"
BY JAVERIA AFZAL

    I planned this moment for years, to pen down my life. No, I’m not a celebrity or someone who just discovered the cure for cancer. I am just an ordinary man and that might make you wonder, what is so interesting about my life. Well, my life or my story as I’d like to call it has all the elements of a sad rough childhood, desire for revenge but mostly it has the biggest blessing of my life and how it made me what I am today.

    I was an only child to my parents, my mother died while giving birth to me and I miss her but only as a motherly presence in my life, I didn’t get to know her and there was no emotional attachment. I was a happy child, the one that runs around the house laughing maniacally on top of his lungs because his father is chasing him while imitating some sort of cookie monster. The reason for my happiness was my father, he gave me everything. He was my father, my mother, and every other relation that humans can have.

     He filled my little world with joy. His smile and soothing voice by my head at night were what made me sleep and my mornings began with his wide smile as he took me in my arms and spun me around in the air. Life was beautiful, more than I ever knew it can be. I used to hold his hand, my tiny hand in his manly one, and felt powerful, I felt complete and every night before bed I prayed secretly that life never changes. Sadly, life does change, time changes and something that was a field of blossomed flowers and chirping birds turned into a graveyard.

    I was 11, I will never forget that day because it was my birthday. My Father owned a million-dollar factory of an automobile and even though I had everything, I never cared for the money, I was not a spoiled brat. On the contrary, I used to find happiness in smaller things in life, not the expensive toys that I got for each birthday. I loved my birthday, not because of the gifts but because I had my father all to myself that day. We would wake up and get my favorite ice cream and waffles for breakfast.

    Afterward, we would go to the park where he would buy me cotton candy of all the colors and I got sugar high. We would enjoy the rides and then get dinner at local McDonald’s. That was what birthday meant to me, having all the attention and time of my father. On my 11^th birthday my father took me to his office, he got a call from his partner that he needed my father to sign some papers urgently. He promised he would be done shortly and we will go out to have my day as I like it. Little did he know that greedy son of a bitch wanted to own the company. We got there and the three of us were in the office. It was a Sunday because the office was empty. I told my father that I will go hide and you have to find me when you are done because I was an 11 years old child full of energy on his birthday. I ran, leaving my father and his partner in the office.

     A few minutes went by and I was bored again because who knew how long it was going to take for him to be done. I slowly made my way back licking my popsicle and just as I was a few steps away, I heard a loud noise, gunfire, I got scared but still made those tiny steps towards the office. The door was open and what I saw still haunts me today, it still makes me cry. My father lay in his chair, his mouth hanging open and blood dripping from his head. His partner held the gun in his hand. He looked at my father and said: “We could’ve done this the easier way Spencer but what has to be done, has to be done, and now where is that little son of a bitch of yours”. I was scared beyond words can explain what fear is, my tiny legs trembled but my mind knew that if I didn’t act fast, I won’t be alive either. I ran to the storage room as fast as my legs could carry me and in there I hid behind a huge box. Tears rolled down my cheeks, it felt hard to breathe and I could hear him calling my name “Come Christopher, your Daddy is leaving” I knew he was gone but forever. I whimpered behind the box and eventually, the shock took over my body and I became unconscious.

    The only memory I have after that incident is that someone took me home and kept me in bed for days. I had a fever that almost took my life but somehow, I made it through that too. My uncle came to take care of me. He was a bachelor who enjoyed his life between two things, women and alcohol. My dad gave him enough to not need a job. He told me that my father had committed suicide while I was at the office with him, that he was a sad and twisted person to scar me like that but I knew the truth. I knew who was responsible. Yet, I could not bring myself to tell what I had seen because who would believe an 11 years old child. I inherited the company according to my father’s will but that meant nothing. As my guardian, my uncle had access to all the money he wanted and the company was being run by my father’s partner.

    I later found out that both of them planned together to kill my father. A burning rage and desire to take revenge started to grow inside me. I despised my birthday because all it reminded me of was my father’s death. I could not sleep. Whenever I closed my eyes I saw the blood and my father’s open mouth. Life became a living nightmare. My uncle spent his time drinking and bringing different women to our home which was once pure and filled with laughter. I started to hate everything and even contemplated suicide at the age of 16 but I had to take my revenge. I had to avenge my father and so I lived. I lived with a burden on my shoulder, a heart drowning in sadness and memories that started to fade away slowly. Pain and numbness became my life.

    Life has a funny way of having its course over time. I was 17 with just one year to legally take over everything that my uncle and his partner in crime had. I spent my time studying about the company and its working. Therefore, when I took over it won’t be a problem and then I’ll slowly watch them die on streets with nowhere to even hide their head. Life had something else planned, my uncle had a massive heart attack because all the liquor finally got to him. I did not even try to hide the fact at his funeral that I was happy.

    Now all I had to worry about was the greedy pig who has sat in my father’s chair. Karma found his way to him too when just before my 18^th birthday he met an accident and died right then and there. I was happy more than ever but part of me wasn’t satisfied. They had met their end but not through my hands and that wasn’t enough for me. At his funeral, I saw his daughter who indeed was beautiful and single which I found out through my sources. She was crying uncontrollably and I put my arm around her shoulder. She cried into my chest and I smiled because I now knew how I was going to take my revenge.

    Over the span of the next 3 years, I had two things to do in my life, to run my father’s company and to make it reach new heights, and to make Bella fall for my head over heels. I was successful in both because I knew my company and I knew women. I became her support and I made her fall madly in love with me. Sure enough, she said yes when I proposed and according to my plan this was the begging of her miseries.

    I always wonder how weird it is that children pay for their parent’s mistakes. I lived a nightmare because my father failed to realize that he was feeding snakes around him who eventually bit him to death. If I paid, it was only fair that Bella paid too for her father’s deeds. I made her life miserable. I ignored her, made her feel unwanted.

    At times I even shouted at her. Made her feel like she was the ugliest and most worthless person to ever exist. It made me happy. I had meaningless intercourse with her and made sure to leave her unsatisfied because that brought me more satisfaction than the act itself. I knew that I had taken my revenge and I felt great till the day she told me that she was pregnant. Even then, I tried to make her feel as bad as I could by telling her that the child must not be mine.

    Nine months went by and our daughter was born. I don’t know why but I went to see the child and the nurse handed me that little precious bundle that I never thought would be my bundle of joy. I knew all along that it was my child Bella had grown in her belly because her love for me never cracked, it never bowed down to my torture, it never ended. She always told me that it was work or something else that made me like this and that she will always be here when I’m ready to tell her.

    But I had no attachment whatsoever to the child. It all changed when I first held her in my arms. She was the most beautiful and perfect thing I had ever laid my eyes on. I found myself smiling at her without even realizing and at that moment it occurred to me that if this child going to pay for my mistakes, will she have life the same as mine or Bella’s. The answer was no I would never let her go through anything that I or my wife did because of me. I realized the monster that I had become, rage and revenge blinded me to the point where I forgot my father’s warm smile. I was not the child who loved his father more than anything anymore.

    My father never held me responsible for my mother’s death. If anything, he gave me even more love so that I will never have to feel guilty or be sad. At that moment I felt lower than a disgusting insect in the dirt. I wanted the floor to swallow me up. I hated my existence but then I looked at our daughter again and I realized that she was responsible for making me realize what I had become. I kissed my daughter on the forehead and looked at Bella who smiled at me and I began to cry.

    I don’t know for how long I cried in Bella’s arms while holding our daughter but I know that between those sobs I told her everything from my birth to this day, I explained everything to her, even told her why I married her and she sat patiently holding me in her arms through the whole ordeal. When I was done, I asked her to forgive me and told her that I will understand if she does not but she kissed me and that kiss of reassurance was enough to tell me that she loved me, that she has forgiven me, and that I too loved her more than anything. I promised to show her how much I love her and She told me that she already knows.

    That day I realized the power of love. Love is the strongest emotion there is known to humans and it can lead you down a path full of happiness and light or it can lead you down the path of darkness where you lose yourself completely. I have seen both and I can tell you that no matter what love can save you. As I write these final words, I hear our daughter Carla calling me from downstairs. It’s her 11^th birthday and I plan to make it the best birthday of her life.